day soapoperafan

So I guess itapos;s time for me to post about NaNo.

I want to do Nano mainly because of my NaNo friends. All year I look forward to our writing / goofing off sessions. I miss my NaNo friends during the year when life seems too frantic and relish November for the excuse to put everything else aside.

However...

Putting everything else aside this year isnapos;t possible. Iapos;m a apos;listerapos; so here goes:

1. Iapos;ve been working on my 2007 NaNo novel SINCE NaNo last year. With luck and writing like a monkey with my a** on fire I will finish the thing this week. But I am burned out. Just the thought of writing at the frantic pace makes me feel slightly ill. Whatapos;s that? If I want to be a novelist Iapos;d better get used to writing even when I donapos;t feel like it? True....and if this was the only consideration, no doubt I would already have my NaNo t-shirt.

2. Kid #1: Cameron has asked me to help with his school play. He asked and then said, "Unless itapos;ll take up too much of your writing time." Now, um, what could I say to that? I told the truth. I told him he is much more important than writing. Letapos;s face it, I donapos;t make money at this so I canapos;t use the excuse that it is putting food on the table and keeping a roof over our head. Go to the coffee shop and write or sit in a middle school auditorium every Saturday and run lines with pre-teen kids? Yup - Iapos;m running lines every Saturday morning from now until late January.

3. Kids #2: Alinaapos;s birthday is in November and while this may seem like a small thing...this year is BIRTHDAY PARTY year. Sheapos;s having a party and then a sleep over. And while this may not seem like a big deal, this stuff takes time people Time to plan, time to get house in tip top shape, and time to recover. Iapos;m not young anymore over here. Staying up all night monitoring giggling kids takes a toll.

4. Work: The Academy meeting Dr. A. Is going to is in November this year. Who holds down the fort while Dr. A is gone? Thatapos;s right - me. Plus, damn those patients, weapos;re too busy now for me to get any type of decent writing done at work.

5. Last Yearapos;s Legacy: Last Christmas was hell. Hell I tell you. Eric and I have made a vow that everything thing we have going on in the house will be done by Thanksgiving. We are frantically painting doors right now. Once the doors are done we are redoing the kitchen. I think he might kill me if I bailed on him to write. And as much as it would frustrate him to do everything alone so I could write - I would be more frustrated. I will not have a repeat of last year. Ever.

6. Miscellaneous: Besides Alinaapos;s birthday party, two other November weekends are booked. That would leave one weekend in November to write AND help Eric with the kitchen. Obviously something has to give. Unfortunately this year it is NaNo :(

So I guess thatapos;s it. It sounds lame when I write it down but Eric and I have talked at length about this and while he would support me if I did NaNo this year, I think itapos;s a bad idea. I have too much on my plate, Iapos;m in no mood to write, and I want to have NOTHING on my plate come December. So. There it is.

Oh and Tomas....I am not buying the whole "dissertation" excuse. I wrote my dissertation (well, okay the Optometry equivalent of it) while in residency and with a three month old baby on my hip. Youapos;re young Get NaNoapos;ing

P.S. Yes I know that is awful of me to whine how I canapos;t do NaNo b/c I am so busy and then harass Tomas but too bad

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[K-Fed what a AssClown]

Can someone bitch slap Britney Spears pleaseAs changed the channel from CNBC to the USA Channel. Wrestling was on [Monday Night Raw - WWE] and Kevin Federline was in the ring talking mess promoting is corny ass album. What kills me the most, is that Britney Spears thinks her hubby is the greatest thing since a maxi pad. Come on Desperate times call for desperate measures when it comes to Federline.....he had to resort to wrestling as a means to promote his album. The best part about it was that Kevin got his 10 minutes of wrestling stardom by getting body slammed in the ring. Now that is music to my ears

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Det har eg. Fyr i peisen. Og det er fantastisk.

Det breier seg ein s� god varme n�r ein fyrer i peisen. Ein varme som gir heile huset ein god lunk. Sj�lv om peisen faktisk er i gangen her i Forskj�nnelsen. Eller kanskje nettopp difor. I alle fall. Me har peis. Og me har ved. Dermed har me varme. Med ein ekstra koseleg lyd. Og ei nydeleg lukt. Minner litt om jul, gjer det faktisk.

Apropos jul. Eg gleder meg. For d� skal eg heim. Endeleg. Eg h�per me f�r ei kvit jul i �r. Viss ikkje vert det ei bra jul likevel.

Men enno er det berre oktober. Kanskje er det ein bra ting? Me har i alle fall fyr.

...

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I wish i had more contol and strength over myself.
i wish i loved hunger.
i wish i had electic scales.
i wish i was skinnier.
i wish i wasnt me.
i wish i could be who i want to be.
108lb, Aapos;s in every subject..
the perfect person is all i want to be.
or acleast to appear the perfect person.. Nice and skinny with perfect accedemics.
i want to be able to go out and shop for a new wardrobe and not be able to get clothes because they dont come in a size small enough.
isolate isolate isolate..
i keep isolating everybody yet i get so upset that nobody cares.
i care so much about what people think of me, but why? why do i care so much.
why do i keep isolating why.
i am on msn.. And i cant be bothered replying to my best fucking friend.
why do i do this, WHY.
answer me.
i dont understand.

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I donapos;t need to post the lyrics, anyone who is curious can look them up. I feel that I have been caught up in a storm, just another piece of debris. Iapos;ve been forgotten about as a human being. I Know that its not on purpose for the most part but between two of my friends constantly at eachothers throats over things that should never have been said to begin with and others forgetting that I am growing and moving forward regardless of what bad things happen in my life, I feel I am just not important to the people that are important to me. Iapos;m breaking. The stress of being the rope that holds together what is left of us is causing me to fray, I canapos;t hold on any longer. Some of you may think Iapos;m being dramatic, that Iapos;m not trying very hard, but you are not here. You are not caught in the middle of this you left. I feel just a bit abandoned, I donapos;t have anywhere I can run to. I havenapos;t been able to have a private moment for a long time. Everywhere I go there are people that need me to wear a mask. Itapos;s starting to no longer be a mask. Iapos;m actually debating if I want to skip my class this evening so I can go out and get a sturdy dowel rod and beat the hell out of some trees, either the rod or the trees will break. I need to smash things and seeing other people need this and take their frustrations out by throwing things out windows, wanting to smash things and take it out on their dogs is just frustrating me more. I just keep bottling it up more and more because the number of things I can smash is dwindling everyday. I also hate that despite my best efforts to be open minded about a situation I am being close minded and unable to hear a friend that wants to talk. At least I hope she does, she always seems to run to someone else. The one person that doesnapos;t need to have this added to his load. I am here, I can do something if you just tell me. Apparently I am not good enough though. I may just up and disapear here soon, I just need me time to recollect myself and figure shit out. Oh wait, Iapos;m broke I canapos;t even do that. Stupid me. Things I used to enjoy are starting to become a chore. Reality hurts, Iapos;m glad the rest of you all have nice cushins to land on, I just fell 20 stories and landed on the rock hard pavement.
I really would like to go and spend time with my family for Thanksgiving, taking along someone more important to me than anything else. I understand it would not be easy for you to get time off, or travel that far in a car but having you there would make it more fun. Otherwise I may get stuck sleeping in the guest room of an old lady that lives next door to my uncle.
I want to do something new, exciting, different. Something that will distract me from the hell my life has become. Something that will let me forget myself.

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What happened to morals?
What happened to staying with that one person through thick and thin?
What happened to loyalty and integrity?

I�donapos;t even feel like wasting my time or breath talking about this subject.
Iapos;ve been staying home a lot lately.
It turns out I only trust myself. No one else has given me a reason to trust them.

Iapos;m so close to giving up. Iapos;m so emotional. Iapos;m at the verge of tears every second it seems.
I just want to get fucked up. I want to forget.
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It must be something in my blood that says after a certain amount of time I need changes and updates to life. A year ago I was just changing the blog family icon and I woke up today thinking, hum... Itapos;s been a while, I should change that thing.

Just looking back the last year I discovered that I changed the last one about the same time last year. Freaky. My internal clock has a weird thing going on there huh?

In any case, the family has changed a lot in the last year. Weapos;ve gone to being a family with a baby, to a family with two growing and ever changing boys. Who are still developing their brotherhood. It is amazing to watch them learn to have fun with each other and play nicely. Sometimes itapos;s more trying to get Alex to stop teasing Ethan and keep Ethan from dog piling Alex after he frustrates him. It is hilarious and I try really hard not to laugh at all the payback because I donapos;t want Ethan to think that it is okay to do that back in response. Alex does deserve it at times. He certainly does his best to laugh in his face while he is doing it.

Ethan can hold his own, thatapos;s whatapos;s so funny A little guy bringing a big guy to tears, and then me playing referee and letting Alex know that Ethan would bite him if he wasnapos;t teasing him. Course, Ethan is starting to bite every one that annoys him now too. I usually donapos;t let him bite me, and neither does dad, but not everyone is as smart as we are. Other kids, hummm, this could be a problem eventually.

Which is why weapos;ve already started doing time outs with Ethan. Yeah, he is probably too young. But he has seen brother in his fair share of time outs. And amazingly enough he does well with time outs even at almost 18 months. Iapos;m not sure if he thinks it is a game or not, but practice in a good habit never hurt anyone. (Listening to what mommy says and learning that you canapos;t get away with hurting people, that is a good habit to start at an early age.)

Anyhow, I browsed through some baby photos while I was exploring past entries. Ethan has grown up so much in the last year. It made my breath catch a bit to see it. Cause it has flown by. Ack.

Where is the time going so fast? Sucked down a vortex?


Hereapos;s to the new icon YAY



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Iapos;ve just returned from the premiere. At first glance Passchendaele seems to be a fairly typical war movie, but then you realize it doesnapos;t make villains of the enemy or patriots of the soldiers. More than that, thereapos;s something just a little more right about it than usual. I can recognize in the filmapos;s main character the same quiet strength that I saw in my own grandfather. I donapos;t really know how talk about the film beyond that right now, except to say that you should make the effort to see it.
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Gah someone jus karate my neck or smth,i just need that full intense hot-to-da-bone thorough ultra seep into your bone deep heat violent massage thatapos;ll jus rock all my nerves back into its bloody original positions.

listening to hamlet which derek dug out frm duno where but im so glad he did cuz ive been looking for it for the longest time.itapos;s this�three movement song�we used to play in the band back in tk and srsly the second movement is bringing me to tears itapos;s so beautiful; the tune is just purrfect and i can see the image of a woman weeping�by and into�the river. Haa.itapos;s beautiful.
and i miss those days so much all of a sudden and sometimes knowing we can never go b ack to the moments thatapos;ve already passed us by saddens me. SO. Itapos;s so impt to jus bask in every happy moment before it fleets us by but then again we never remember to and even if we do so what. It still passes us and whatapos;s left is but a memory. Maybe thatapos;s what makes it a piece of memory you can think back on and smile/laugh/reminisce about but even then, youapos;d still want it back�thoapos; �u just canapos;t. Oh well. I guess itapos;s the same concept as night for me. Sometimes i wished the world existed in midnight allt he time but when i really think abt it that strips the night of its special quality so yes fleeting is inevitable and this somehow adds to its beauty. Ok i shd stop i can jus see gege shaking her head haha.

went for tianapos;s sisapos; wedding and it was lovely. In the mood to upload so some pics below btw thanks for the dress lao ge LOVE�IT cuz i get to breathe normally and exhibit my pregnant belly since itapos;s all under black wrap yay

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with her mom and cousin
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wah these waitresses/waiters actually broke into a dance onstage, led by the guy in the centre. Really duno whether to laugh or smile at their efforts it was srsly damn hilarious. Tian was saying really�not easy�to be waiters nowadays HAHA
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first second changes. Look at the smoke in the second change really knee high damn shiok
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itapos;s been FIFTEEN�YEARS.�I�LOVE�YOU�TIAN

and some pics from our high tea at meritus mandarin. The food is really TOKKKONG i have to bring ykk ah hui and laozhu�sharon�there one day. Weapos;ll go insane.
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why�does it get�so difficult to live with the people you know you love the most. I can only pray itapos;s a phase.




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